i realized tonight that i have no best friend. a few people have the "best friend" title, but its not a live up to it kind of thing. but i guess i could be as much to blame for that as them.
but i haven't talked to anyone outside of my family on the phone for the past few days except for one person who doesn't even go to my school. i see people in school, and we're "friends" and i talk to people on the internet, and we're "friends" but i have no REAL best friend. someone i can count on to be there for me, to go with me anywhere, to change plans to go somewhere with me, to listen and give advice, to help me through the hard times, to talk to everyday about everything and anything, to crash at their house and consider it my second home, to not ring the doorbell, to help myself in the kitchen because i know where everything is, and someone who knows that i'd do all this and more for them.
but i don't. not anymore.
and i really miss it.