Sunday, November 6, 2011

keep me where the light is.

sometimes you meet a person, and they automatically make you want to be a better person, just by being around them.

i've met several of those people in my lifetime. this most recently happened last thursday night. i am continually inspired and amazed at these people, and by the goodness that just radiates off of them on a daily basis. i am blessed to be able to call many of them 'friend.'

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


what is it about a person when all they have to do is be gone for a while then surprise you by walking into a room, and your entire body fills with joy?

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

it's the most wonderful time of the year!

fall may not be here to stay yet...but it's definitely taken up residence in my heart. it's easy to feel fallish when it's a lovely 59 degrees outside, you got to wear a hoodie for the first time in months last night, and you are currently wearing fleece pajamas and a sweatshirt. football season started last week, the air is crisp, the leaves are beginning to change colors (in places). the sun is setting earlier, halloween is just 54 days away, and all the stores are making the autumn changeover.

it's the most wonderful time of the year!

it puts me in such a fantastic mood. i'm already excited about the months to come. it's a chain reaction of greatness. once september rolls around, you blink and it's october, then the festivities really get started. it's going to be good. just wait.

Monday, August 29, 2011

it makes the ache a little more profound.

my dreams are full of wishes, and when i wake up, i remember every one.

no one quite understands and i can't quite explain the ache in my heart. it's the things i want so badly, but am never sure that i'll have. it's like the hope that blossoms inside my heart secretly wants to kill me.

sometimes i think that the waiting of life would be easier if i could only know that there was a reason i was waiting.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

if only i could see the stars.

i have unusual sleep patterns.

for example, since the fourth of july, i have stayed awake until usually between 5:30 and 8 am, and then i sleep until 2-4 pm. generally.

it is hard to explain to people that i genuinely like to stay awake all night. it is the only time that the building is asleep, and it is quiet. i can concentrate. i don't have to worry about the phone ringing, people screaming in the lobby or knocking on my door, or random people roaming my hall. i like the peace that being awake in the middle of the night gives me.

i always have my window open. i like hearing the crickets sing all night long, and just before the sun rises to greet me, hearing the birds chirping their morning songs.

i've seen more sunrises this month than i probably have in my entire life. it makes my heart just as happy to see the light beginning to peek over the side roof of south as it does to see the pinks and oranges sink behind hathorn and cresswell. my window frames my perspective.

also, it is proving to be good practice for later on...if i get a morning show job next year, i'll have to be awake and alert at this time anyway.

my only issue with staying up all night is that the rest of the world doesn't operate on my new schedule (which would defeat the purpose, of course). but then i have phones ringing and fire alarms and people needing me and places to go and appointments to keep all day, and i end up cranky and exhausted, with only about 30% of my brain working by 5pm. then i sleep till about midnight, and the process begins again.

however, with training starting in about ten days, i have to orient myself around the world again. my heart is saddened by the loss of those nighttime hours, the cricket's song, and dawn breaking over the world.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

"was it inevitable?

was there some quota of sadness that had to dealt to every person? was that just the way love worked? because that was the underlying problem - without love, there could be no real pain. love contained within it the seeds of loss and bitterness and grief.

love. it was just like alcohol. a little fun followed by a long, painful hangover."

Thursday, July 7, 2011


i went home for the fourth of july.

i walked outside the first night i was home, to move a car out of the driveway, and it was so dark that i was absolutely stunned. first of all, the fact that the dark can render me speechless is very, very sad indeed. i guess i never realized how constantly lit my world was until i was back home, in the middle of the woods, where there is probably only one streetlight in my whole neighborhood. but you know what? i could see every, single star.

i went shopping with my mom the next day, and we spent hours in town getting things done and running errands. HOURS. i, again, was floored. because here, running errands can be done in a single store, and it only takes ten minutes to get to walmart. even when grocery shopping for the first time in a month, for two people, it only takes a little over an hour.

later that same night, i was reading in my room long after everyone else had gone to sleep. i got up to go use the bathroom, and again was astounded by how dark everything was. i had to navigate my way to the bathroom using familiarity of the house, which was once second nature, but now a foreign-esque concept, because my hallway here is lit up with emergency lights at all times.

settling back in bed, i turned the lights off and stared at my make believe galaxy constructed of hundreds of glow in the dark stars and planets stuck to my ceiling. i can't remember exactly how old i was when we discovered those, but my brother and i went crazy sticking them to everything. well...he stuck them to everything (including furniture) but i wanted all of them on my ceiling, all OVER my ceiling. my reasoning was that i rearranged my furniture so often (and i did, usually once every couple of months or so) that if i only put them in one spot, i couldn't see them from wherever my bed was to go next. so we put them all over the whole room. and these aren't the hard plastic stars that glow, these are plain, almost invisible stickers. on my ceiling, which is painted white, you can't even seem them until the lights are turned off. then it's like you're in another world. annnyway, i settled in bed and was looking at my galaxy, and i heard something. or rather, the lack of something. crickets were singing their little hearts out just outside my window, and i could hear the whistle of a train horn as it was coming down the tracks across the highway. other than that, i realized i was hearing a blissful silence. something i never get to hear at school.

had i really been away from home so long that all of these things surprised me? starkville isn't exactly what you would call a big city...or even a small city, at that. but living on campus is like living in a tiny little bubble in mississippi. i felt like i'd been living in a town so long that coming back to the country of alabama was like coming to another world. it was a welcome relief. a change of scenery, one i desperately needed.

i woke up the next morning with a sore shoulder. having most of my stuff away at school does have some drawbacks, i suppose. maybe you don't know, but my shoulder pops out of place at will. it doesn't hurt, but it feels and sounds gross to my friends. the only time it ever bothers me is if i sleep wrong, and my shoulder pops out and presses into the mattress overnight. then i wake up with stiff shoulders, and they ache all day long. without my regular pillow, i'd managed to pop my shoulder out overnight, and sleep with it that way.

but oh! what a small price to pay for the comforts of a home! to share a shower with two people instead of forty, and to not have to wear shoes! to have a kitchen with a full sized refrigerator, and a stove to cook my sweet tea on (because every self respecting southern girl knows how to make sweet tea), and a kitty cat to hug even when he is hot and grumpy and doesn't want to be hugged. a place where friends have been friends for a lot longer than your school semesters...even when they do silly things like fly to los angeles with people you've never met without telling you first.

it's been two days since i've been home, and i do miss all of the things listed here. i am also glad to be back in my own space. my room here is bigger, but it contains all i own in this box of living space. it's not quite the same as a home...but my bed is more comfortable. i'm not sure what that means, exactly, but if you figure it out, let me know.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

it should have already begun.

i am ready for the next chapter.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

come pick me up.

life confounds me.

i really don't know how to describe it any better than that. nor do i have the words to adequately describe how i am feeling.

which is precisely why i'm staring at this screen, unable to sleep, and listening to ben folds again.

i've landed.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011


i need an ally.

Monday, May 16, 2011

old blue backpacks.

i wanted to post about a long lost-ish friend and all the conversations we ever present blue jansport, that chair that was pretty much reserved for my unexpected visits; discussing the topic of the moment, whether that was childhood home stories, upcoming trips, or miniature breakdowns that sometimes included tears (mine).

but that was the extent, so i guess i have nothing else to say.

Friday, May 13, 2011

amarillo's where i'll be.

i am sitting on a hotel bed in amarillo texas, with three of my chase mates, playing the only three amarillo songs i know on youtube. this is day 3 of the chase, and we have covered approximately 1600 miles so far. day one consisted of driving from starkville to western oklahoma in hopes of some good storms. an early set of storms (not predicted by the models) formed, though we still hoped that an outflow boundary would form out ahead, and we could still have a chance of seeing something. the storms formed an MCS, and all the rainfall stabilized the environment and the associated cloud cover didn't let it recharge. we did drive through some heavy rain and saw some cool lightning as we navigated our way through oklahoma city, but all in all, day one ended up a dead end.

we ended up in weatherford, oklahoma for the night. the next day we packed up early and headed south. we set up in a park just across the red river in texas. after killing a couple of hours, a dry line moved into the area and storms began firing. we loaded the van and took off after a storm back in oklahoma, searching for some large hail. the storm was slow moving and had a weaker inflow, and died not long after we reached it. another storm just to the west was looking good, so we drove to antler, oklahoma, to try and core punch it. we got a couple of hailstones, but it was mostly gone by the time we turned back around to find more hail. storms in that area were just not sustaining themselves well yesterday. we drove north and spent the night in mcalester, texas (no tea, i wanted some though, because all i could think about was mcalisters). we saw some cool lightning as we walked to a chilis next to our hotel, though.

day 3 started with a lecture on splitting storms and hodographs, and then we loaded up and drove west. we spend the majority of the day on the road, and we ended up in amarillo. we have a couple of off days before things start getting active again, so tomorrow we are spending the day exploring a canyon and going to the big texan. i also might get the chance to see an old friend. more than likely, we'll spend tomorrow night in amarillo too, and then we'll start making our way north again. hopefully this time we make it out of the states of oklahoma and texas. :)

Monday, May 9, 2011

great plains storm chase.

hello all. in approximately 3 days, i will be setting off on the greatest adventure i've had the opportunity to take.

my bag is sort of packed, i have lists upon lists of things to do and buy and pack and take...and i'm ready.

feel free to follow our adventures while we are gone! we have an official chase team blog, where you can see video and pictures of the things we're seeing or doing, and you can also track our progress via an interactive map. our van has gps that reports back to the website and you can follow us through all the storms. the blog also features SPC outlooks, storm reports, and radar for the great plains. in addition, we have a twitter account, and i'll also be updating on my twitter too. beware: if you get updates from me sent to your phone (but who does that anymore, right?) you should probably turn them off.

here's to adventuring and thunderstorms!

Sunday, April 3, 2011


disclaimer number one: i am dramatic. maybe it comes with the territory of being a girl. maybe it's just me. either way, now that i can publicly announce it, i would like to say that i will be joining the mississippi state university department of geosciences with the great plains storm chase 2011.

all dramatics from last post aside, i did get chosen to go, and though i only know one person going on the trip besides myself, i am excited beyond words. our first meeting about the trip is this week.

speaking of severe weather, i had a dream last night about monday's severe weather possibility. i dreamed that i was in class in hilbun, and the front came through sooner than expected, and we were all still in class. instead of being a supercell outbreak (which was what the models were hinting to as of thursday evening), it was a strong squall line with embedded tornadoes in the front edge of the line. one such tornado came through the msu campus area, and they made us all go to the basement instead of staying in the climate lab.

anyway, i woke up this morning and looked at some model runs for monday afternoon, since i have an assignment to follow them daily until my class monday afternoon. i was reading the discussions on the national weather service site and the spc's day 2 outlook, and they both mentioned the storms should be more linear instead of supercellular. spc also went on to say that even though there is shear vectors parallel to the main flow, the bulk of the shear is so strong that there can be spin up along the line and tornadoes embedded in the squall line as it moves through.

now, i've noticed a trend in the last few years of my life that when i dream about tornadoes (or severe weather), we usually have one soon after. it doesn't always coincide, because there have been days were the weather is hot and boring and i'll dream about a tornado outbreak. or there will be times when i'll dream it and it will happen somewhere else in the country. but today i felt like a wizard.

there's probably some psychological reason for the fact that i dream about tornadoes before they happen, like the fact that i've been up to my eyeballs researching different severe weather events today and analyzing dozens of upper air charts. but i like to think that i have magical powers.

Monday, March 21, 2011

lessons and regrets.

i've been alone a lot in the past week and a half, and i've had way too much time to think. and if you know me, or follow my blog (whenever i write, which is hardly ever these days) then you know that when i have time to think, a post shall follow.

since being in college, i have learned that i am not a good roommate. i am not good at sharing a small space with another person (i have yet to test out the theory of apartment roommates, though i think i shall fare better there). so i figured that when i got the RA job and had a private room, that everything would automatically be better. instead, all i got were more lessons to add to the book.

i've learned that student affairs is not my cup of tea. i do not like confrontation. i would rather just smooth things over or ignore small problems until they go away or fix themselves, just to keep the peace. i like to be friends with everyone. however, with my job, this is no longer possible. i've made some enemies (go figure) along the way, and those people seem to make it their mission to make my life as miserable as possible. which bums me out immensely.

i've also learned that i need a job with set hours. and honestly, i don't mind having the duty phone and being on call for 24 hours. because at least i know that i start duty at 5 pm and as soon as the clock hits 5 pm the next day, i'm done. it's the fact that i'm never really done that gets me. i may not be on duty, but i'm still responsible for my hallway. i may have the flu and be medicated and trying to sleep at 11:30 pm, but if people are in my lobby talking so loudly i can hear their conversation in my room, then i have to get out of bed and ask them to follow the quiet hour policy. i need a job where i can go to work, be at work, and when i get off work, i can go home and not worry about being on the job until the same time the following day.

another lesson to learn was about commitment - my level of commitment to my schoolwork, my job, my friends, and myself. i had to figure out a way to balance life so that no one felt left out, but that i didn't feel overwhelmed. i failed at that first semester. i'm a little better about it this semester. but i've realized that it is more than just the idea of committing to something...that i must actually have the motivation to do something about it. for example, though my broadcasting today verses when i started is like night to day, i am still not good at it. i am graduating in nine months, and i am still not good enough to excel at a job. though i know that i need to go practice multiple times a week in our studio, i have yet to make it up there more than once a week.

and then there are the things i've committed to that i regret. i got a job this summer as a summer RA in my building. now, there are both pros and cons to this. and while the pros definitely outweighed the cons when i applied for the job, and probably still do, i regret the chance to spend my last real summer at my house being a bum. i didn't realize how homesick i was for my house and my family and just generally being in the comfort of a house until i went home for spring break. there are the little things that no one thinks of - having a regular sized refrigerator, not wearing flip flops in the shower, not having to eat in the same room that you sleep in, not looking for a parking spot, and having more than one room to hang out in - that you don't realize that you miss so much when you're on a campus all the time.

maybe it's because part of me fears that i won't have as carefree of a summer when i'm confined to a job that requires me to be around a building so much. maybe i feel like summer should consist of road trips with the windows down and good music and lots of sunshine with people you love, and i think that i won't get that experience being on a campus. i feel like i will get stuck in a monotonous rut and wish my last summer away.

part of me also regrets applying to storm chase again. i knew that i would get my hopes up, no matter what i told myself about applying. because i want it so badly, i know that i will be crushed when the final verdict comes out. the odds of me getting chosen, especially since i've already been passed up in a previous year, are very slim. even knowing this, i still applied and i still got my hopes up. and while i know that i have other options (seeing kenny chesney in concert in tuscaloosa and saving money!) it will still be a giant letdown when the email comes out. it's been so long since applications were due, that now i expect the worst.

i will end with this, since this post is long enough to make up for not posting anything but pictures since new years. the last regret i will mention is not graduating with my class this spring. though it was the best decision for me, i feel like if i would have gotten my act together early in the college ball game, i could have tested out of certain classes and gotten more classes in a smaller amount of time. also, being assigned a new advisor in my last year of college didn't help either. i don't begrudge justyn for leaving me, because he got his dream job, but it did leave me in a situation where i had to end up taking a couple of extra classes. therefore, with all the extra stuff i took that i didn't have to, there was almost no way for me to graduate this april. especially with the awful semester i had last fall, with all those hours and no time for anything else. but i'm going to miss my classmates. we suffered through physical together and did all our dynamics homework together, and they'll go off and leave me while i will still be here, the lonely meteorologist.

i'm burning out on school. it's been a long seventeen years so far (kindergarten through four years of college, that's seventeen, right?). and while i might not continue this when i'm in a better mood, i've decided that for now, it's okay to begin the countdown to graduation and the start of the next part of my life. only 263 days to go.

Thursday, February 3, 2011


Saturday, January 22, 2011

just say yes.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

fifty two fourteen.

the weekend of the turning of the new year, i went on a very epic road trip with some fabulous friends of mine to jacksonville, florida. in that town, we watched as our bulldogs crushed the wolverines. it was only the most amazing beginning to the year that has been fantastic (though only five days long so far).

check out morgan's blog post to get a summary of the awesomeness.

and here's to 2011!