Tuesday, January 27, 2009


sometimes its the really small things that make me realize how awesome God is and how insignificant i am.

i get chills at beauty.
i tear up during worship.
i stare at the clouds and realize that all of this world was made entirely by God. and i'm studying the atmosphere and all the different ways that it acts. i'm studying to be a scientist. but even all of our atmospheric specialists are not quite sure how everything works exactly. we can only guess. and our efforts are so mundane. we're trying to figure out God's masterpiece, and we can't do it.

and even after all of that, He STILL loves me.
He values me enough to send Jesus to die.
for me.
just me.
it's the most complex thing that i've ever tried to wrap my mind around.
and the hardest thing to put into words.
because paper can't explain how it feels.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

unsuspecting sunday afternoon.

sometimes my heart gets so full.
of possibilities.
of disappointment.
of hope.
of love.
that it feels like it grows.
inside my chest.
just like the grinch's did.
at the end of how the grinch stole christmas.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

i needed a reason to believe.

i have no idea where i'm going. i feel like i have no control over the events of my life. i decided i wasn't going to care anymore. i decided i was going to be in control. and as soon as i did, it completely hit me in the face: i have no freaking idea where my life is headed. i'm incapable of not caring. i care way more than you'll ever know. and it's like i am walking around with my eyes closed.

i had this grand plan, you know...i was going to get married (i'd already planned my wedding, complete with the entire wedding party), planned my job, planned my house. my entire life, set in stone before it had really even began. the big picture.

i can't find the big picture anymore.

and the concept scares me.

but at the same time, i'm not alone. God is telling me things i really need to know. He put my friends in my life...each one of them gives me a different viewpoint, a different opinion, a different piece; and each view on it gives me reassurance of the way i feel. it's a different way to look at things, but i like it that way.

i have to have faith. trust. the word i realized i'm scared to say.

i can't see the big picture anymore, but the smaller pieces are becoming quite clear.

and i think i can work it out if it turns out differently than i'm expecting it to.

i asked for a reason to believe, and you gave it to me.

Saturday, January 10, 2009


oh, what a time for words and computer batteries to fail.

Sunday, January 4, 2009


1 thessalonians 4:10-12

how excellent to be known as a giving person rather than a taking person! The church would run much more efficiently if the Body had the attitude of Christ instead of a "me" mentality. How much smoother things would go if the church embodied the likeness of Christ!

learn to trust your heart, the rest will work itself out.

sometimes words fail as i try to accurately describe to myself exactly what it is that i'm feeling.

sometimes the only thing that really matters is that i DO feel.

i feel all too often we let the "logic" of our head get in the way of what is in our heart.

and maybe if we learned to trust our heart more, we would gain more from that. we risk more...we might get hurt, things might not not turn out like we wanted them to.

then again, maybe they would.

learn to trust your heart. the rest will work itself out.
isn't it time that we took a chance?

Saturday, January 3, 2009


Thursday, January 1, 2009



here's to a new year.
may i be the unexplainable.
and may it be the best year yet.