inevitable.

i just can't get it off my mind. i know that hate is a strong word, but it's filled my thoughts and words for at least the last week. i wish i could just get it out and get finished with it, but i can't. it's too hard when everyone knows but you. it always creeps into my conversations uninvited and it won't ever go away. and yes, it's too soon for jokes, so stop. it's not funny. it won't ever be funny. it's like i always have so much to say, but when it comes right down to it, i can't get it out right and i just mess everything up all over again. i just can't seem to get it right. ever. is it just the dianna curse or something? i just don't get it. i wish i could just say i don't care anymore, but i'm such a bad liar.

this has been the worst week ever. really. i dont even have good dictionaries. they suck. it's less than a month for school to be out, and i swear i've never been so ready.

consequently: as a result, therefore; because of the reason given
inevitable: impossible to avoid or prevent

i really like the definition of inevitable.


i just wish i could say what i feel!!!

shadows.

i have a heart on my belly as well as in my hand.

the tanning bed is the perfect place to lie and think about anything and everything.
i don't really care if i die from skin cancer. it's great.

prom is tomorrow night.

four weeks till school's out.

four weeks till i'm officially a senior.

and only slightly less than two months till i go to kentucky.

reading 1 peter.





one of the most profound statements i've ever heard (and one that rings most true for me) is:
the shadow proves the sunshine

i have to resort to quotes to say this:

>>it's the same old song being broadcasted on the radio...saying i'm not worth your time


>>there are some things in life that are better left unknown;; things you wish you never asked, never saw, never heard, and never felt


>>there's no point in trying to talk to you, i've tried to have a conversation with you so many times, but all that comes out is that empty feeling in my stomach and it makes me realize you will never feel the same way about me as i do about you


>>she's telling lies about how she feels inside. she can't stand the way things are. she only wants it all to change. what he doesn't know is how much she truly cares.


>>i'm a hopeless romantic, i believe in wishing on stars, soul mates, and a love that never ends. but yet, sometimes i feel so alone...no matter what i try to do.

i have to resort to quotes to say this:

>>it's the same old song being broadcasted on the radio...saying i'm not worth your time


>>there are some things in life that are better left unknown;; things you wish you never asked, never saw, never heard, and never felt


>>there's no point in trying to talk to you, i've tried to have a conversation with you so many times, but all that comes out is that empty feeling in my stomach and it makes me realize you will never feel the same way about me as i do about you


>>she's telling lies about how she feels inside. she can't stand the way things are. she only wants it all to change. what he doesn't know is how much she truly cares.


>>i'm a hopeless romantic, i believe in wishing on stars, soul mates, and a love that never ends. but yet, sometimes i feel so alone...no matter what i try to do.

ideals.

i want a boy who isn't just my boyfriend, but my best friend. i want a boy who knows that i'm lying when i say "i'm fine" after he asks me how i am. who calls to talk to me just because he was thinking of me but doesn't really have anything to say. who will call or IM just to say goodnight. who is not only comfortable spending time with not just me but my family, and blends right on in. who will take care of me when i'm sick. who will kiss me in the car. who is content just sitting on the couch with his arms around me. who will write me sweet notes even though it's really not his thing. who will take the lead. who will make fun of me but not in a mean way. who will go shopping with me. who will make me laugh. who will go to church with me. who will take the time to walk in the rain holding hands. a boy who makes holding hands exciting. one i can't wait to see. the one i don't feel like i have to clean house for or impress. one i can be myself around. a boy who truly likes me for me.

i think this boy lives in my imagination and there is no such person. but it's a nice try.

power of prayer.

i absoulutely love the power of prayer.


friday. ten minutes before the bell was to ring for the end of school, the assistant principal gets on the intercom and says that the bell will be held until 3:15 due to the severe thunderstorm warning out for tuscaloosa county. (RANT #1: who in the WORLD holds school over for a SEVERE THUNDERSTORM WARNING? it wasn't even raining outside! we were the ONLY county in alabama that had a warning of any kind, and they hold us over? the day the weather was supposed to be *REALLY* bad, and every county surrounding us gets out of school a couple hours early, we stay in till 3. but for a severe thunderstorm warning coming out of the blus, and they hold us over???) okay. there's the first rant. and it wouldn't be so bad if it were only the fifteen minutes we had to stay over. but no. we stayed after school an HOUR before they let us out. and we still had the thunderstorm warning when we left. the ONLY THING IT DID in the hour we stayed was lightening a couple times, thunder once, and rain for two seconds. i swear. it poured for two seconds then it stopped. it was the craziest thing. i knooow the storm wasn't moving THAT fast. okay, so now it's four in the afternoon and i get in my car to drive home. i missed my tanning appointment (thanks a lot, school board), so i go straight home. on the way home, it starts to rain so hard i can't even see the road. it doesn't help that justin was driving home in front of me and he didn't have his lights on...his car is silver so it blended right on in with the rain sheet in front of me. (RANT #2: they hold me after school for an HOUR while it does nothing...we're not allowed to go anywhere in the school, we had to stay in our classrooms; while it did nothing...NOTHING. and then, they let me out just in time to drive home in the pouring rain. i could have made in home an hour earlier than what i did AND completely missed the rain if i could have gotten out at 3 like i was supposed to.)


pretty much an awesome weekend though.



and i got a surprise tonight. it was a thing that stephanie and i prayed about last night in our discussion we had. thus which prompting me to say "i love the power of prayer."

shiver.

You build me up
You knock me down
Provoke a smile
And make me frown
You are the queen of runaround
You know it's true

You chew me up
And spit me out
Enjoy the taste
I leave in your mouth
You look at me
I look at you
Neither of us know what to do

[Chorus:]
There may not
Be another way to your heart
So I guess I'd better find a new way in
I shiver when I hear your name
Think about you but it's not the same
I won't be satisfied 'till I'm under your skin

Immobilized by the thought of you
Paralyzed by the sight of you
Hypnotized by the words you say
Not true but I believe 'em anyway

So come to bed It's getting late
There's no more time for us to waste
Remember how my body tastes
You feel your heart begin to race

[Repeat chorus x3]

shiver::maroon 5