two more weeks.

i got a package in the mail today from some leadership thing in washington dc that some people want me to go to, because apparently i am a leader. but i want people to know I AM NOT A LEADER, i am a follower. i'm not cut out to be a leader, or a people person, or a frickin car host, or in charge of anything.

however, today in second, i was staring into space after i took my science test, and i got this feeling to look over at my teachers computer. and her screensavers are absolutely beautiful. just different pictures of things out in nature: sunny days, leaves, snow, waterfalls, wild animals, butterflies, and my personal favorite, a heart drawn in the sand at the beach. and i just felt that God was telling me, "look! look what i made for you to enjoy! i made it all for you! isn't it beautiful?" and i just had to have a praise prayer right then to thank God! it was a good moment. :)

oh, and along with my medicine, i think i need a dose of apathy.

i'm so glad that today is the last day in february.
good thing february only has 28 days.
i'm so tired of february.
march should be much better.

sore throats.

man im so bummed. its all i can think about. and i dont know why. oh, i lie. yes i do. i just dont want to tell you.

rainy days.

isnt it sad how i measure my life by weekends and wednesdays?

that sounds like a good name for a song, actually. weekends and wednesdays.



i need some good words to say tonight.

rock climbing.

i wanna go rock climbing again. to the cross. i need some of that again. yeahhh. i feel so close to God there. everything feels tangible. my thoughts, my feelings, my words on paper. everything seems deeper and more profound. i want it back. and i want it my way: no one there thats gonna talk, read over my shoulder, or act stupid. it should be a reflecting only kind of place.

and i'm dying to go back there.






i never ever have the words to say. i wish i could say what it is exactly that i feel to who i want to say it to, without feeling stupid or them thinking i'm too extreme, stupid, or in way way over my head.

love story.

i finished story today. it was a really good book.

things i learned about love:

1. love is sacrifice.
>the lover sacrifices for his beloved. and vice versa. in God's case, it was the ultimate sacrifice as a lover for us, His beloved, to send His son to die for us just because he loved us that much.

2. love is a mystery, and it doesn't make sense.
>if you try to explain it, does it truly make sense? if you can define love, explain it, or make it sound reasonable, can you say you actually experienced it? can you tell yourself why it is you like that particular person so much? now, can you explain Jesus, define Him, or make Him sound reasonable? He became man just because of love. true love. for us. to die. for us. to live again. for us. to be a savior. for us.

3. love is joy.
>1 Peter 1:8 - you love Him even though you have never seen Him. though you do not see Him, you trust Him; and even now you are happy with a glorious, inexpressible joy. "if the story of Jesus is true, then hope has been reborn and can never die. ... as ... facts of Jesus' resurrection became established, His friends were filled with unbelievable confusion, hope, wonder, and joy." if the story of love is true, then hope has been reborn and can never die. ... as ... facts of love became established, its friends were filled with unbelievable confusion, hope, wonder, and joy. inexpressable joy.

4. love is a story.
>love is a story between two people. it's when the two separate stories intertwine into one for a little while or a long while. love is the story between God and me. between God and you. love is the story of Jesus' life, his death, and his rising again.



im leaving with this song, not the hymn, but the other version.

come ye sinners, poor and needy
weak and wounded, sick and sore
Jesus ready stands to save you
full of pity, love, and power

come ye thirsty, come and welcome
God's free bounty glorified
true believe and true repentance
every grace that brings you nigh

i will rise and go to Jesus
he will embrace me in his arms
in the arms of my dear savior
oh there are ten thousand charms

come ye weary, heavy-laden
lost and ruined by the fall
if you tarry till you're better
you will never come at all

fairy tales.

today felt like a fairy tale...



there were so many **sweet** letters, emails, and quotes i read today.

but i can't say i didn't like it. :)

complicated.

today was interesting.

complicated.

"keep quiet.
nothing comes as easy as you,
can i lay in your bed all day?
i'll be your best kept secret
and your biggest mistake,
the hand behind this pen
relives a failure everyday."

tell me why that's my fave song off that cd.


sometimes i feel like i'm the only one believing.

therapy.

valentines day tomorrow.

it's been better than expected.

but ultimately i'm better with a pen in my hand. writing is therapy.

sweet.

i wanna be the only hand you need to hold on to...

rules of attraction.

"sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same thing."

and when you have to do these things, it hurts.

but maybe it works out better in the long run.

there should be a new rule of attraction: you shouldn't be allowed to like someone unless they like you back.

because it just gets messy.

impulse (n): force communicated instantaneously, effect of a sudden communication of motion, influence acting on the mind motive; sudden determination.

vain (a): without real value; empty, worthless, ineffectual light-minded; conceited. --in vain, to no purpose.


two things i've been thinking about. "vain" just because i've heard it so many times in the past few days. talking..and in reading pride and prejudice.

and impulse. i was just thinking about acting impulsively and then regretting what it is that you did. but then i started to think of that quote "never regret anything because it was once something you really wanted" and while that saying can't be held up very well, i believe it can apply in this instance. can...not always, but sometimes.

early.

but it has been brought to my attention that i don't like valentines day.

not thus far.