in theory.

i hate this. i hate you. i hate me. i hate everything. in theory.

but i can't.

oh how i wish i could figure you out

don't ask any questions.

i just want to ask you a question
i just want to know
but i cant get the words to come out
but oh how i want you to go

dont ask any questions

love.

love consumes life

you.

it's been approx. 189 miles since i last saw your face. that's been 3 weeks and 1 day, a million thoughts, and two tanks of gas.

praise You in the storm.

it's storming outside. big storm. been raining and storming for almost 45 minutes. our lights have almost gone out a few times. i'm just sitting on my bed, which is on the wall opposite my big window, enjoying it. i can see the lightening through my blinds, and i can feel the thunder vibrating the wall i'm leaning against. it's another of God's creations to enjoy. i love to watch thunderstorms. it reminds me of last summer when i was at the beach. it stormed every night. we sat on our covered balcony and watched it. the rain would fall, and the lightening would light up the ocean. it was so beautiful. :)

my mom was all freaked out about the storm, calling us from work and telling us to stay away from windows and appliances. i was the one staring out the window dying to go outside and watch it even more closely.

new orleans.

i miss the way it was. inexperience sucks. i miss waking up everyday knowing that in just a few minutes i'm going to see people i love all day. i miss jokes - inside jokes like "couple" references, super mario brothers, under the covers, sleeping together, haha and others. i miss worship at 10:30 pm and junk playing his guitar and listening to him sing oh so well. i miss 'undignified' and screaming and jumping and dancing to the Lord. i miss peace and quiet. i miss the safe haven that i write in. i miss the encounters we had in new orleans. i miss tracing out little yellow butterflies. i miss traveling to new places. i miss a steady schedule. i miss the way it was. the way it could be. i miss the conversation. i miss the days when life wasn't complicated. i miss the muffins i saved for breakfast and we ate as snacks in the kitchen right before supper. i miss going to church for hours but not really doing anything. i miss lock-ins with that special someone. i miss the tears i've cried. the way you smiled. i miss the laughter, the love, the really good movies. i miss falling asleep extremely early in the middle of writing because i'm so tired emotionally and physically that i just can't stay up any longer. i miss being woken up by a good friend. i miss a good friend crashing in on my bed. i miss the songs we used to sing and they all remind me of you now. i miss the bus rides home. i miss the shared blankets and wet clothes. i miss the rain, just walking out in it. i miss the thunderstorms, sitting outside and watching the beauty of it. i miss the ocean, the romantic poetry it hides in its every wave. i miss the way it feels when my cat climbs in my lap and purrs and purrs. i miss the way you say good morning at 6 at night. i miss the satisfaction i get from doing something awesome. mostly i miss you. the way we fit together. how we talked, how we knew but yet had so much to learn. how we endured and pressed on. how we've barely kept in touch, but how for one moment, it was magical.