be joyful in hope.

i honestly have no words to describe how incredibly blessed i am. i had a moment tonight where i was overwhelmed with the joy of life. God has given me so much, and even though i complain a lot, i am truly thankful for everything.

there's nothing i have ever done that could even make me believe the tiniest bit that i deserve this happiness that i have. the amazing friends that i have. i get to do what i love, where i love to be, and with the people i love.

not that life is perfect. far from it. perfection is incapable in the world that we live. but even in the shadow and the tear i will praise my God for what He has given me.

being "joyful in hope" is a verse i hope i can strive to accomplish every day. i just don't have the language to express my adoration for the only One who deserves it, and the joy that is rooted in my soul for experiences that daily unfold for me.

i get a thousand hugs from 10000 lightning bugs.

this has been the best three consecutive days i've had in such a long time.
i don't know what i did, but God especially loves me this week.
i don't know if it is possible to smile bigger than i do each day.

birthday.

i'm so incredibly happy.

discoveries, revisited.

i spent a lot of time in solitude wondering if i were too hasty. i read a lot of poetry and tried to decide if i was too rash. then i bought a new cd, asked myself 'how many times can i push it aside?' and realized that 'it's not the end of the world, just you and me.'

i'm deleting myspace. it reminds me of the time in my life where i stayed up late on the computer waiting for you to get online just to tell me goodnight. a time of intensity, in both feelings and heartache.

but now that time has passed. being within sight of my 21st birthday, i have gathered clarity, new friends, new boys, new determination, and a new perspective on life. i'm turning over a new leaf. there once was a time where i felt like i needed you so much more than you needed me. now 'i'm over it. yeah, behind me now. i'm just over it.' you and i are so much better apart.

don't think i didn't enjoy it. i did. parts of it. most of it. but i'm moving on. 'cause if you close your eyes and listen close, you can hear the chapter close. and it's all rebound in better clothes. and you like the way this story goes.' but now the story ends. i'm cutting you out.

and then you, we could go on for days. but again, i'm moving on. i can't stay the same forever, and even if you can't see it, you have tons of others to invest more time in. stop worrying about me. life is carrying me away from there. i'll be okay on my own. i can make it just fine. i survived for a long time before you came around and i can survive again. no problem.

and then you. looking ahead, i know you'll be proud of me.

discoveries.

i'm happier now that you're gone.
so please stop talking to me.
thanks.

i would be a much better person...

if i listened to my own advice. then i wouldnt be so royally screwed up right now. thanks a lot, self. the end.