four letter word.

"you stole so much from me and there is nothing left to take. save a hard learned lesson on how to not make the same mistake. and you may be delirious but that is something that will fade, after you confess that this mess is all something you made." *

i've always been convinced that my life could be defined in the lyrics of songs. lately, this again has proven true. i've been listening to a lot of relient k (big surprise there), matthew thiessen (again, big surprise), and angels and airwaves. when you actually listen to what they are saying, listen to the words, they say a lot more than what we sometimes can manage on our own.

and then, it seems like we're all having our own problems with the L-word these days. i believe in my heart that love does exist. it does. somewhere. and to me, love is a concept that is easy to spell and easy to feel, but difficult to define and impossible to forget. love is something that comes in like a tornado...you can try your best to predict it and warn those in the storm's path, but you can't ever nail down the exact route it's going to take and the damage it will leave behind. you can never tell if it will leave you happy forever or if it will leave you broken into pieces. it's a chance you take.

"i see a glow from far away, a faint reflection on the sea. i left some words quite far from here to be a short reminder, i layed them out in stone in case they need to last forever. you know i won't say sorry, you know i won't say sorry. the pain has a bad reaction, a blend of fear and passion. you know what it's like to believe, it makes me wanna scream." **

we all have those times in our life when the wreckage that we've been dealt is too great to express in our own terms. we use our words and we get so far, but then the lyrics that we attach ourselves to can explain what we're trying to say with much less emotional baggage attached. the message always gets across, plain and simple.

"and even though i'm angry i can still say, i know my heart will break the day, when you peel out and drive away, i can't believe this happened... make your decision and don't you dare think twice, go with your instincts along with some bad advice. this didn't turn out the way i thought it would at all, you blame me but some of this is still your fault. i tried to move you but you just wouldn't budge. i tried to hold your hand but you'd rather hold your grudge. i think you know what i'm getting at, you said goodbye and i just don't want you regretting that." ***

in our emotional distress, from whatever it is that has caused the damage in our lives, in our hearts, there is always a way to call out from the darkness and say what it is that is so imperative that you get off your chest.

and the greatest thing about all of it is that there is another kind of love that will never ever hurt us in any way. a love that most of us forget about in our times of trouble. a love from the One that is always there for us no matter what. we just have to choose to see it. and accept it. accept Him.

"i'll tell you flat out, it hurts so much to think of this. so from my thoughts i will exclude, the very thing that i hate more than anything is the way i'm powerless to dictate my own moods...any control i thought i had just slips right through my hands, while my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me, reprimands me. then and there, i confess, i'll blame all this on my selfishness. yet You love me, and that consumes me, and i'll stand up again, and do so willingly." ****

love does exist. i know it does. somewhere. and one day, i believe that it will find me again. maybe it'll be someone i've loved before. maybe it'll be someone that i haven't even met yet. maybe this time it'll be forever. maybe it'll be another broken heart. i'm guessing it's a risk i will have to take.

"it's a world full of cynics, who say to stay alive in it you gotta stick with what you know. but the soul is always aching, for the heart to start taking, a chance by letting go." *****



*fallen man - relient k
**start the machine - angels and airwaves
***which to bury, us or the hatchet? - relient k
****when i go down - relient k
*****the truth - relient k