letting go.

there is this weird part of me that cannot let anything go.
i have to know the reasoning behind everything.
if i think someone is hiding something,
lying to me, treating me wrong...
i have to drag out the excuse.
i can't just leave it be.


i wonder why that is?

yo soy enfuego.

en fuego was insane.

like 25 thousand people.
all together in one little cow field with a stage in the middle.

it was hot. it was crowded.
but it was fun.

lets see...
the excitement on the way up there, the burger king crowns, stealing en fuego signs, our dirty white tent, standing in front of speakers, FRONT ROW, mosh pits, friends, dirty feet, dirty feet pictures, stinky crowds for third day, meeting stars, chasing down mac powell in his car and getting pictures, supper from a gas station (coke, chips, candy, thats alll ya need), incredible burping skills from the backseat on the way home...

it was preeety good.
:]

happiness.

I AM SOOOOO HAPPY

i havent been like really really happy in forever. and there's really not a reason for the happiness. and that makes it all the better.

i had SUCH A GOOD TIME tonight. we went to the football game (we equals me nicole and jonathan). we lost, but not all that bad, and it was just a fun game. i got to hang with my friends, i sang really really loud with nicole on the way home, got gas for $2.66 a gallon (whoa) and i am happy :]

i mean, im so happy im using capital letters.

and EN FUEGO IS SATURDAY thats only TWO DAYS AWAY.

i have a meeting at the drink machines tomorrow morning.

yay <3

vague.

so im doing it again. the exact thing i did the last time and it completely backfired and turned out horribly wrong. so you think i learned my lesson? no. im asking the same questions again and again and i cant stop until i find out the answer. its what ruins everything, because i cant let anything be. we shall see how it goes down tomorrow when i see him.

this is all completely what i want and completely what i dont want and completely right and completely wrong.

im blowing all this up so that it sounds like a big deal. it's really not. :]

i just like being vague. and seeing what happens. more later.

advice.

i feel honored because the younger girls in the youth group feel like they can come to me for advice and to discuss their problems.



today ive really been reminded that:
happiness at the sake of another isn't happiness.

creativity.

the older i get, the less creative i get.

i learned this last night as i sat in my bedroom floor making collages for various binders and notebooks. i just dont know where to put things anymore. but they turned out looking okay, i think.


tonight, besides the whole sad factor of rob's grandmother, was really fun. we went back to travis' new house and got the "grand tour" and then ordered pizza and watched a movie. tommy boy. first time i'd seen it.


so yeah. i dont really have anything else to say.

i hope not everyone can read me as easily as one person can.