you have no idea that you're breaking my heart.

marilyn monroe once said, "a wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left."


good thing i never claimed to be wise.

who knows how long she can go before she burns away.

one day i'm going to have to accept that i'm not going to be able to solve all your problems with a hug and a tear.

but until then, i'm sure going to try.

i'll be, i'll be yours.

i'm beginning to think that i am a loner by nature. i like to be alone. being constantly surrounded by a lot of people in such small capacity drives me crazy. i need to have space, to be by myself for a while.

you get that.

and i'm starting to realize that you understand me in ways other people don't.
and i'm so lucky you're in my life.

it's better late than never, right?

so i had a realization today that made me feel like the dumbest kid ever.
it was significance that i did not realize at the time.
and now i feel special.

i am still clumsy.
gravity is not my friend today.
i've had a case of the mondays all day long.
and i fear that it will continue through tuesday as well.



i'm constructing science in the art building.

out of mind, out of place, out of pocket.

i did a lot of things today that i didn't dream i would do.
and a couple things that i did.


i'm clumsy today.
in words and actions.
please forgive me.

***

i feel like i've driven the entire upper half of the state of alabama in the past week. and i like it. i like driving long distances. i like driving at night. and i like driving on the interstate.

i don't like driving in the rain or in the middle of a mental breakdown. i don't like the word 'sorry'.

tonight, cruise control and john mayer were my best friends.

i understand you talk to me in love.

but please realize that while you believe that i live in a completely delusional world, i am happy there, and things make sense to me. i appreciate your efforts in bringing me down to your reality, but i'm not going to live there. so you can stop trying. this is the reason why i'm quiet, not because i'm brokenhearted.



on a completely different, unrelated note: i just decided that i am attending the crawfish boil this year. tis may 1 and 2. artists: saving abel, shinedown, ll cool j, jason mraz, 311; bushwalla, shiny toy guns, filter, everclear, katy perry, all american rejects, and snoop dogg. twenty bucks a day in advance. bjcc. who's in?

when my heart breaks, you'll be the first to know.

i feel somewhat sad today.
and unproductive.
and surprisingly lonely.

my heart aches when i think of you.
but i think that's a good thing.