inadequacy

long time, no talk. but here i am, ready to dish out whatever.

this weekend i have been acutely aware of my inadequacies. it seems like i constantly fall short of whatever i am trying to accomplish.

my mom looked at me with an expression somewhat filled with pity when my answer to her prom date questions were all no's. i have this great dress i cannot breathe in and yet i am sitting here eating easter candy and drinking bottled water...

and the loser that i am, i feel sorry for the chocolate bunny i am consuming. i had to eat the candy eyes first and take his bow off so he would less resemble the cute creature on the box. and i always break off pieces of chocolate without looking so i can't see myself eating the bunny.

plus, i've been assigned the duty of typing half the senior last wills (actually i volunteered so chels wouldn't have to do them all alone), and i've been reading them as i go along. you can really tell who is friends with who and who is taking some grudges too far when you read these things. it's kind of sad in a way. but i'm so ready to graduate and leave the haters behind, in a way, you know?

and at this point, it looks like i'm heading south in august after all. it's been two weeks since the admissions counselor at msu told me the scholarship letters would be sent out, and while i still have a tiny shred of hope that i will still get a scholarship from msu, everyone else is convinced that i'm not getting anything. mama actually told me to face the facts and get ready to move to mobile. i don't want to go to south alabama at all. it's nothing to the school, but if i go south i won't be completely on my own and i feel like i have to prove i can do this by myself. you know?

so the lack of a prom date (apparently nobody likes me enough to take me on one little date, even as friends), the fact that i'm probably not going to mississippi after all, and various other little things have just made the inadequacy pop up in big neon letters above my head and follow me wherever i go. so i thought i'd share a little bit of my inadequacies with everyone else as well.