floating.

today after church we had to get our christmas tree and decorations out of the garage and carry them up the hill to our house. among other things, i had to carry a cross that my mom made out of two boards and covered in white lights. i then thought about how strong Jesus must have been to have to carry his cross all that long way. i had mine up on my shoulders, and i know that women's and men's shoulders are different, but let me tell you, there is no comfortable place to put that thing. and it's awkward to carry. just think about Jesus', his was bigger and heavier than the one i was holding. makes you appreciate things more when you get a taste of them, even a tiny taste of it.

something i was thinking about during church today, looking around at people during the instrumental meditation or whatever it's called, i realize i really don't fit in at church. i'm kind of a floater. i look over to my left and i see some of the people in the high school with me, but no girls, just boys. i look over to my right and i see the college age people. (i'm too young to really hang out with them seeing as how i'm still in high school. sometimes i think college will be so much better than high school is). then i look up to the front and i see the kids still in middle school. (and they aren't as old as i am so its not the same somehow..maybe thats how the college people feel about me..)

i try to hang out with everyone, but there just isn't a place for me. i am my own place. the only other person that would really qualify is robin, who isn't even at church half the time anymore. therefore, i am my own place.

i guess i'll settle for what i can get.