tomorrow.

"the best part of believe is the lie."




i keep my jealousy close
cause it's all mine
and if you say this makes you happy
then i'm not the only one lying...
Keep quiet
nothing comes as easy as you
can i lay in your bed all day?
i'll be your best kept secret
and your biggest mistake
the hand behind this pen
relives a failure everyday...
so wear me like a locket
around your throat
i'll weigh you down
i'll watch you choke,
you look so good in blue...

congratulations.

and i'm so angry at you. you *lied* to me. that's one thing that i cannot stand. not liars...but when you have to lie to a person you care about to avoid hurting their feelings. instead, you make a bigger mess than you had to begin with.
congratulations.

lyrics.

I'll tell you flat out
it hurts so much to think of this
so from my thoughts I will exclude
this very thing that
I hate more than everything is
the way I'm powerless
to dictate my own moods

I've thrown away
so many things that could've been much more
and I just pray
my problems go away if they're ignored
but that's not the way it works
no that's not the way it works

when I go down
I go down hard
and I take everything I've learned
and teach myself some disregard
when I go down
it hurts to hit the bottom
and of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

If and when I can
clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
into a place where
peace can search me out and find
that I'm so ready to be found

I've thrown away
the hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
so many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
the secret to find an end to this
and I just pray
my problems go away if they're ignored
but that's not the way it works
no that's not the way it works
--rk, when i go down


I guess it's safe to say you're never coming back
And I understand why you wouldn't want to
I guess it's up to me to find a way to get to you

And I can't see you
Getting used to
Living in the midst of your perfection
And I'm so lost
How can you trust
Somewhere the sun is always shining

And there's just one last thing that I have to say
As we reflect on the mess of all this that I've made
It was cowardice that made me push you away
I was so afraid cause you were so much better than me
--rk, the thief



I think you know what I'm getting at
I find it so upsetting that
the memories that you select you keep the bad but the good you just forget

and even though I'm angry I can still say
I know my heart will break the day
when you peel out and drive away
I can't believe this happened

And all this time I never thought
that all we had would be all for not

No, I don't hate you
don't want to fight you
know I'll always love you
but right now I just don't like you
No, I don't hate you
don't want to fight you
know I'll always love you
but right now I just don't like you
cause you took this too far

Make your decision and don't you dare think twice
go with your instincts along with some bad advice
this didn't turn out the way I thought it would at all
you blame me but some of this is still your fault

I tried to move you, but you just wouldn't budge
I tried to hold your hand but you'd rather hold your grudge
I think you know what I'm getting at
you said goodbye and I just don't want you regretting that

and wisdom always chooses
these black eyes and these bruises
over the heartache that they say
never completely goes away
(I just can't believe this happened
and one day we'll see this come around)

what happened to us
i heard that it's me we should blame
what happened to us
why didn't you stop me from turning out this way
and know that I don't hate you
and know that I don't want to fight you
and know that I'll always love you
but right now I just don't...
--rk, which to bury, us or the hatchet?






*********
i'm just a little sad.
it's awful that i've let someone have so much power over my emotions.

coyotes.

wishing
hoping
wanting
longing
waiting...
for something more

xxxxx

i wanna go to a coyote ugly bar
i wanna move like the coyotes
and i wanna dance on the bartop

leaving.

"its not good for a boy to want something with all his heart and then be disappointed. things like that can hurt for a long time.' -sotm



everybody's leaving.
i want to leave with them.

journal.

"tonight i just feel like we're distancing ourselves away from each other with each and every wall i build between us. and this side of me doesn't feel like [her]. it feels like a little girl, swimming in an ocean all by myself."